I want to stick my p in your. b.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
