Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
