none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
