he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is it because I queefed?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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