Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
