I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
