he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
