Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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