we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
