YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
