Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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