i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
