He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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