I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just cut my nipple shaving
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
