hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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