also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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