Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
