he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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