If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
