i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
