I'm sorry my penis didn't work
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
