I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
