I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
