Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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