He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
