Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
