would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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