Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
