He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
