i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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