you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
They have beer where we have blood.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
