cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Drunk is not a location!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize