i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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