I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
