when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize