I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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