I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
