No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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