I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
