I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize