I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
did you just send me my own nude
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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