none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
