Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
