So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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