I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
