we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish I only lived at night.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
