If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
