sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
