Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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