she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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