u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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