oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
