I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
