He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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