how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize