i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
