I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
love makes seman taste better
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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