someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
