it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize