better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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