i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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