Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
