He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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