Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
