why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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