I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
