do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
