I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i think i have two assholes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
