i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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