i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
