omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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