it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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