if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
