I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
