The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
