New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
false alarm, still single
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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