I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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