Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
