I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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