i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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