Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
