This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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