Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
