Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
