are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
