You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize