so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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