well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
