my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
