Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
there is glitter all over my balls
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
