Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
