used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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