My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
