Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
