Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
