I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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