I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize