im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
