How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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