I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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