i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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