This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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