You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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