dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
