Screwed.edu
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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